National Poetry Day 2014 – The Rules of Disengagement – @PoetryDayUK #NationalPoetryDay

Screen shot 2014-10-02 at 22.28.38

Silly me, I almost missed National Poetry Day. Here is something I wrote about 10 years ago.

TRIGGER WARNING: This poem contains strong language and sexual references, but no flash photography.

The Rules Of Disengagement
Guidelines For The Re-establishment Of Post-Coital Platonic Relations*

No holding hands, no wedding bands
No dinners for two, no “I love you”
No looking, no longing
No pining, no whining
No resentment, discontentment
No unwanted presentment
No affection, no rejection
No returning of confection
No arguing, no fighting
And absolutely no unrequiting

No sitting on knees, no swapping of keys
No tumbling, fumbling, fondling or fooling
No pressing, caressing, cuddling or canoodling.

No hugging, no kissing
No moping, no missing
No teasing, no pleasing
No seizing, no squeezing
No stretching, no stroking
No grasping, no groping
No patting, no pawing
No scratching, no clawing
No groaning, no moaning
No humping, no boning
No biting, no chewing
No nailing, no screwing
No shagging, no gagging
No bonking, no banging

No suicide pacts, no unnatural acts
No making of trysts, no slitting of wrists
No moving of earth, no giving of birth

No hands up dresses, no hands down shirts
No dropping of trousers, no raising of skirts
No plumbing of depths, no scaling of heights
No delving in y-fronts, no ripping of tights
No tweaking of nipples, no stroking of thighs
No plunging in troughs and no soaring to highs
No sexual acts either legal or criminal
Involving nothing animal, vegetable or mineral
Not exotic, erotic or ecstatic
Not organic. botanic or volcanic

No phone sex, no video sex
No postal sex, no semaphore sex
No email sex, no morse code sex
No message-in-a-bottle sex
No radio sex, no radiohead (and no surprises)
And absolutely no paper clip sex

No sharing of beds, no giving of head
No licking of feet, no injection of meat
No sucking of toes and no staining of clothes
No licking of fingers and no cunnilingus

No foreplay, no replay
No one, two or three play
No puppy love, no pussy love
No unconditional love and no tough love
No baby love, no brotherly love
No motherfucking and no how’s-your-father

No fucking, no sucking
No wanking, no spanking
No hetero and no homo
No quickies and no slomo

No finger fucks, no fist fucks
No in-up-to-your-wrist fucks

No insertion of fruit, rear or fore
Peeled or unpeeled, ripe or raw

No tangerines, no aubergines
No clementines and no nectarines

No squeezing of melons,
No punching through cherries
No biting of apples, no licking of berries
No stroking of peaches, no feeling of plums

No tit jobs, no blow jobs
No foot jobs, no toe jobs
No fur hat and coat jobs
No ear, nose or throat jobs.
No back seat of car, plane or boat jobs

No expansions or contractions
No injections of erections

No anal, no oral
No plain and no floral
No sucking, no blowing
No coming, no going
And absolutely no exchanging of bodily fluids

No spattering, no scattering
No smudging, no smearing
No spitting nor swallowing
No poking, no choking
No flirting, no squirting
No flattering, no splattering
No felching, no belching
No slurping, no burping

No amazing orgasms either real or imaginary
And no stimulation either penile or vaginary
No masturbating, penetrating, fornicating and ejaculating
And absolutely no falling in love.

*All terms and conditions are subject to change without notice.

© Richard Bolam

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s